388 OF THE GOOD OLD BLONDE JOKES


How do blonde braincells die?
- Alone.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
- Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

How do you change a blonde's mind?
- Blow in her ear.
- Buy her another beer.

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
- Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
- Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
- Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
- "Is it mine?"

How does a blonde kill a fish?
- She drowns it.

A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
- Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
- Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

How does a blonde hold her liquor?
- By the ears.

How do you know a blond likes you?
- She screws you two nights in a row.

How does a blonde moonwalk?
- She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
- The rest are hunt'n peckers.

What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
- An air bag.

What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
- B.J.

Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
- Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
- To avoid the draft.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
- Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
- It's too hard to re-train them.

What do blondes do for foreplay?
- Remove their underwear.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
- "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
- (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

What's the mating call of the brunette?
- "All the blondes have gone home!"

What's a brunette's mating call ?
- Has that blonde gone yet?

What is the brunette's mating call?
- When is that blond bitch going to leave!?

What's the mating call of the redhead?
- "Next!"

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
- Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
- Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
- They don't know the route.

Why do blondes work seven days a week?
- So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
- It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

What is foreplay for a blonde?
- Thirty minutes of begging.

What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
- Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
- You need a quarter to use the phone.
- Only one person can use the phone at once.

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
- They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
- "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
- She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

How do you plant dope?
- Bury a blonde.

Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
- Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
- Wave to her.

How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
- With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
- She opens the car door.

How does a blonde get pregnant?
- And I thought blondes were dumb!

How does a blonde part their hair?
- (Action of scissoring legs apart)
- By doing the splits.

How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
- Shine a torch in her ears.

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
- She drops her nail-file!
- Who cares?
- She says, "Next".
- The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
- He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
- I mean, who really cares?
- The batteries have run out.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
- Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
- (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

How do you kill a blonde?
- Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
- They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

How does a blonde like her eggs?
- Unfertilized.

How do you drown a blond?
- Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
- Don't tell her to swallow.
- Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
- The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

How does a blonde high-5?
- She smacks herself in the forehead.

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
- Flattered.

What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
- A know-it-all bitch.

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
- One's a phony buck.

What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
- A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
- One that never misses a period.

What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
- An Italian suppository.

Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
- Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
- Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
- I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
- Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
- She was having sunny periods.

What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
- Her feet!

How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
- When she farts, her knees bag.

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
- Marriage.

How is a blonde like a frying pan?
- You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
- A 69 interrupted by a period.

How do you describe the perfect blonde?
- 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

How do you confuse a blonde?
- You don't. They're born that way.

Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
- They're too hard to peel.

How do you drive a blonde crazy?
- Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Why does it work?
- "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
- You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
- Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
- For throwing out the W's.

Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
- Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
- To keep her ankles warm.

How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
- Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
- Way to go team!

How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
- By the chipped tooth.

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
- (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

How do you keep a blonde busy?
- Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
- To keep from bruising their ears.

Why do blondes have vaginas?
- So guys will talk to them at parties.

Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
- She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).

What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
- Full.

What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
- "No, I just lie there."

What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
- "Thanks, guys..."

What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
- Air pockets.

What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
- "Space. The final frontier......"

How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
- Just One... Boomer Esiason.

What's brown and red and black and blue?
- A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
- You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
- So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
- She fell out of the tree.

How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
- One.

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
- She didn't know what ONE came first...

Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
- Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
- Their mothers told them not to talk with their mouths full.

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
- Divorced.

What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
- Divorced.

How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
- Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
- You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
- Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
- She threw it off a cliff.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
- She fell out of the tree.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
- The cow fell on her.

How did the blonde burn her nose?
- Bobbing for french fries.

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
- She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
- There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
- There's writing on the white-out.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
- You only have to punch information into a computer once.

What did the blonde think of the new computer?
- She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
- By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
- A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
- By the buckle print on her forehead.

How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
- He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
- She has a checkbook.

How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
- There is a stamp on it.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
- She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
- It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
- The blonde has the higher sperm count.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
- The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
- The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
- He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
- You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
- The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
- A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
- You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
- Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
- You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
- A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
- In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
- Not everybody has been in a limo.

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
- You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
- You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
- There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
- You don't eat your bowling ball

What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
- The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
- Lipstick.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
- You can park in the handicap zone.

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
- They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
- It takes too long to retrain them.

Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
- They're doing research on black holes.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
- So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
- Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
- So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
- So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Why do men like blonde jokes??
- Because they can understand them.

Why do blondes like lightning?
- They think someone is taking their picture.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
- Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
- From eating with forks.

Why do blondes have more fun?
- Because they don't know any better. *A: They are easier to keep amused.

Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
- Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Why do blondes have legs?
- So they don't get stuck to the ground.
- To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
- So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
- So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
- So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
- Because they can spell it.

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
- *Who cares?*

Why do blondes have periods?
- They deserve them

Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
- From dating blonde men.

What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
- They're both stuck up c*nts!

Why do blondes wear tampons?
- Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

Why do blondes drive VW's
- Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
- To cover up the valve stem.

Why do blonds have square boobs?
- Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Why do Blondes take the pill?
- So they know what day of the week it is.

But why do brunettes take the pill ?
- Wishful Thinking.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
- Toes go in first.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
- Tits go in front.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
- More head room.

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
- More leg room.

Why do blonds have orgasms ?
- So they know when to stop having sex !

Why do blondes wear underwear?
- They make good ankle warmers.

Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
- Because they can spell it.

What is 74 to a blonde?
- 69 plus G.S.T.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
- Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
- Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
- They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
- Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
- To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
- The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
- They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
- They can't remember the number.
- She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
- They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
- They can't find the zipper.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
- Cause their balls show!

Why don't blonds breast feed?
- Because they always burn their nipples.

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
- They chip their teeth.

Why don't blondes eat Jello?
- They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
- Because they can't get their head in the jar.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
- Introduces themself.
- Walks home.

What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
- Opens the car door.

What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
- Bucket seats.

What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
- Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
- "What's a lightbulb?"
- One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
- Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

What's a blonde's favorite wine?
- "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
- Not everyone has been in a 747

What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
- A brunette with bad breath.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
- The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
- None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
- The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
- Her IQ goes up!

What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
- You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
- Butter is difficult to spread.

What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
- They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
- Bigfoot has been spotted.

Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
- Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
- "Nice tits!"

What does a blonde make best for dinner?
- Reservations.

What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
- Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
- Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
- Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
- They both get easier to pick-up with age.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
- It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
- They both have a black box.
- Both have a cockpit.

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
- Change.

What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
- "Thanks for the refill!"

What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
- They pull up their pants.

What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
- Last years hide and go seek winner.

What do you call a basement full of blondes?
- A whine cellar.

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
- Air bubbles.

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
- A whine and cheese party!

What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
- 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

What do you call a blonde lesbian?
- A waste.

What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
- An air mattress.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
- An Air Bag.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
- A mental block.

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
- A wind tunnel.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
- A dope ring.

What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
- Divorcee'

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
- Pregnant.

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
- A visitor.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
- Gifted!

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
- All you can eat, under a buck.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
- An interpreter.

What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
- Sweet Fuck All...

What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
- Frosted Flakes.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
- Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
- A Space Invader.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
- Branch Manager.

What do you call a smart blond?
- A golden retriever.
- An indicator of a really bad hangover.

What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
- Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
- The back of her head.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
- Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
- Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
- Artificial intelligence.

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
- You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
- Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
- Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
- You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
- Her ankles.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
- "Have another beer."

What do Blondes say after sex?
- Thanks Guys.
- Are you boys all in the same band?
- Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team name here.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
- The more you bang it the looser it gets.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
- They're both empty from the neck up.

What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
- They both wriggle when you eat them.

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
- They both have black roots.

What does a blonde owl say?
- What, what?

What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
- A brain tumor.

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
- Two brunettes.

What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
- They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
- He knows who the ten men were.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
- 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
- Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
- If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

What's the Blonde's cheer?
- " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why did the blonde cross the road?
- Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!? R: I don't know.
- Neither did she.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
- To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
- Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
- Too many blondes were drowning.

Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
- They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
- Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
- She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
- Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
- So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
- From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
- In case she locks the keys in her car.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
- So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
- So she could lip read.

Why did God create blondes?
- Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Why did God create brunettes?
- Neither could the blondes.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
- So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
- To turn the blinker off.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
- She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
- To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
- Because she loved children.

Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
- She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

Why did they call the blond twinkie?
- She liked to be filled with cream.

Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
- It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
- She'd just dyed her hair.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
- She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
- Because it kept falling out.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
- Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
- Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
- Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
- Way to go team!

How do you confuse a blonde?
- Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Why does it work?
- "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
- She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
- Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

What is the blonde's favorite battery?
- Ever-ready.

What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
- A blond doing cartwheels.

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
- They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
- A vacant possession.

What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
- "No, I just lie there."

How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
- One.

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
- She didn't know what ONE came first...

Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
- Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
- Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
- Divorced.

What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
- Divorced.

How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
- Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
- She wasn't used to the front seat!

Why did she finally pass her test?
- She took the examiner with her

Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
- She missed the Earth!

Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
- She blew it both times!

What do a moped and a blond have in common?
- They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
- Lipstick on the cucumbers!

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
- All you have to do is scratch the box to win

Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
- Who cares

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
- About 2 cans of hair spray

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
- Pick them up off the floor

What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
- Nail polish!

What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
- "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
- The vegetable garden.

How many blondes does it take to play tag?
- One.

What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
- One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
- Far-from-thinkin

Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
- Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
- She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
- Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
- The Blonde!
- The other guys waiting their turn.

What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
- 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
- "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
- Spot.

What's a blonds' favorite rock group?
- Air Supply.

What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
- A blond electrician

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
- So brunettes can remember them.
- Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
- She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
- Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

What did the blonde do when she got her period?
- Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
- Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
- They keep breaking them with the hammers.

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
- Perri-air

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
- Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
- When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
- The Air Pump!

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
- Because she got an F in sex.

Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
- She missed.

Why are there no dumb brunettes?
- Peroxide.

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
- Nothing - they've never met.

What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
- She can't say "No".

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
- Data transfer.

What's the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
- A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
- They can't keep their calves together!

What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?
- An IN-body experience!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
- After a dye job.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
- Humpme Dumpme.

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
- "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
- A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
- Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
- 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
- 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
- She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
- She picks up her purse and goes home.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
- The vegetable garden.

What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
- One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
- Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
- She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
- Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

What is the blonde's favorite battery?
- Ever-ready.

What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
- A vacant possession.

If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
- The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
- Grade 4.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
- 144 blondes.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
- Because at 69 they blow a rod...

What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
- A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
- Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
- Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

What did the blonde say to the physicist?
- "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
- They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
- They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
- A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
- They both drip when they're fucked.

How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
- Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
- It swells at night.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
- The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should Cut it in six or twelve pieces.
- "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
- Locking the car door.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
- Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
- She moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
- A blonde parade.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
- They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
- She burned her lips on the tailpipe.


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